Thursday, October 17, 2013

Perspective after another year

It's been over a year since I last wrote in my blog. While not an every week (or every day) blogger I had made numerous posts since I began the blog after Ty was born in 2007. Most of my early posts were about him, but then I branched out to include other areas of interest.

After Lynette's death, I used my blog as a venue for sharing my healing (and not healing) moments as well as family news. Then the last part of 2012 as we were trying to sell our home, find another home, sell the cabin and get ready for winter, I just stopped writing in my blog. I have sent social shout outs via Facebook and Instagram, but no blogging.

Cousin Dorothy from the United Kingdom, is one of the reasons I'm writing again. When she mentioned in an e-mail message that she hadn't seen a blog posting from me in a while (actually a very long while), I revisited Nana Shanna's Corner and re-read my last post. Two things immediately struck me.

  1. A WHOLE lot has happened in our family and extended family since I last wrote.
  2. I'm in a much better place in my emotional healing now than I was then.
Item #2 was more of a surprise to me. I realize that we shouldn't necessarily measure our healing using time as the yardstick, but it may be somewhat our natual inclination to do so. At least my natural inclination to do so anyway. So in October 2012 when I wrote my last post I felt that I was adjusting to life without Lynette well for the 1st year after her death. "Well" is the operative word, isn't it?

Now after another year, I can say that I'm not in as "dark" of a place as I was then. That year of firsts without her was very hard (which is a huge understatement). The pain of not having her in my life right now is/was/probably always will be difficult for me. I can and may always vividly recall those awful moments when I found out about her death and then subsequently the cause of it-alcohol poisoning due to her chronic use and abuse of alcohol. But and this is a very big perspective IS healthier now. I've recalled that I have been able, this past year, to spontaneously laugh and enjoy my life and interactions with others again. It has been a gradual process and if I didn't have my previous writings I don't know if I would have been able to quantify it. If I were to put it using the scientific method process is probably the closest correct term that applies.

In future posts I will do a bit of a retrospective of "The Lost Year" in review for myself and those who may choose to visit my blog.

Thanks Cousin Dorothy!