Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Lindsay Renee Miller January 24, 1978-February 7, 1978

The healing came. First the physical healing of my body from labor and delivery; that was in process of course from the day of Lindsay's birth. I remember having to bind my breasts so the milk would dry up. The pills that they give you in the hospital to dry up your milk (if you choose not to breastfeed or deliver a stillborn) won't work if you've already been nursing. It was almost a "good" kind of pain though, as it was a reminder that Lindsay had lived, even if it was only for two weeks. I was young so my body got back to its pre-pregnant self relatively quickly.

As for the spiritual and emotional healing-some parts of that took years, is still happening. I remember praying more fervently than I had ever prayed before. I also voraciously read books, articles, scriptures about this life and the next. I threw myself into service for others. I got a job outside of the home (I had quit my receptionist job right before Lindsay was born). Those actions helped. My sweet husband was such a strength to me. My parents and siblings loved me and tried to ease our pain while working through their own. There were dear friends who let me "borrow" their babies as my arms ached to hold a child.

Finally though it came down to this-if I did not have my testimony of Jesus Christ, that he lived, suffered for ALL of our pain and sins, died for us on Calvary and was resurrected this life would not have real meaning beyond our daily actions. How grateful I am to him and to our eternal Heavenly Father for the plan of salvation, the plan of happiness. I will see my sweet Lindsay again, and my sweet Lynette and all those that mean so much to me. That's what this life is about-it's living, growing, serving, loving and getting ready for what's next-forever!

As I continue to do my part, to strive beyond the hurt, whether emotional, spiritual or physical, I'll be preparing myself for eternity and true healing.